It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Indy, woke up in a bush. It was the millionth time it had happened. Feeling excessively hungover, Indy groped a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved modded nes controller was missing! Immediately he called his lover, Rory. Indy had known Rory for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Rory was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... oafish. Indy called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Rory picked up to a very mad Indy. Rory calmly assured him that most legless puppies grimace before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually wildly sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Indy. Why was Rory trying to distract Indy? Because he had snuck out from Indy's with the modded nes controller only eleven days prior. It was a enticing little modded nes controller... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Indy got back to the subject at hand: his modded nes controller. Rory yawned. Relunctantly, Rory invited him over, assuring him they'd find the modded nes controller. Indy grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Rory realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the modded nes controller and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if Indy took the magic flying carpet, he had take at least eight minutes before Indy would get there. But if he took the modified N64? Then Rory would be abnormally screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Rory was interrupted by five funny-smelling gummy bears that were lured by his modded nes controller. Rory shuddered; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he carefully reached for his dull pencil and aggressively slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the modified N64 rolling up. It was Indy.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Indy was out of the modified N64 and went scandalously jaunting toward Rory's front door. Meanwhile inside, Rory was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the modded nes controller into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Rory was frustrated but at least the modded nes controller was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Rory indiscriminately purred. With a hasty push, Indy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish noble genius in a curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala),' he lied. 'It's fine,' Rory assured him. Indy took a seat mysteriously distant from where Rory had hidden the modded nes controller. Rory grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Indy was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Rory noticed a insensitive look on Indy's face. Indy slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Rory felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when Indy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the modded nes controller right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Indy's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Indy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Rory could react, Indy thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The modded nes controller was plainly in view.
Indy stared at Rory for what what must've been two nanoseconds. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Rory groped exotically in Indy's direction, clearly desperate. Indy grabbed the modded nes controller and bolted for the door. It was
. Rory let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Indy,' he rebuked. Rory always had been a little clueless, so Indy knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Rory did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he gripped his modded nes controller tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Rory looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Indy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Indy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Rory walked over to the window and looked down. Indy was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Indy was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Rory's place. Indy had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral gummy bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the modded nes controller. One by one they latched on to Indy. Already weakened from his injury, Indy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of gummy bears running off with his modded nes controller.
But then God came down with His congenial smile and restored Indy's modded nes controller. Feeling puzzled, God smote the gummy bears for their injustice. Then He got in His tricycle and sped away with the fortitude of 20 venomous koalas running from a oversized pack of legless puppies. Indy flipped with joy when he saw this. His modded nes controller was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, comedy blue, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When long-haired sea monkeys meet rusty razor blade'). Indy was elated. And so, everyone except Rory and a few hand grenade-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Discuss.
