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Offline gamerdude767

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is this anygood??
« on: April 07, 2009, 01:02:09 PM »
hey,
 
        im trying to write a song, its about a girl who make me smile whenever i see her.


  all i got is this..


     Everytime i look at you, you make me smile,   
     the next time I see you, I try to hide it.
     But I just can't help it.

   help me out here, tell me what is good/bad and what i could change/add

 thanks in advance
     scott

« Last Edit: April 07, 2009, 01:05:45 PM by gamerdude767 »
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Offline FreeK

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2009, 03:47:52 PM »
we need a theme/beat/genre to go with the lyrics

rock - not really
metal - deff not
acoustic rock - maybe
pop - hah maybe
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Offline ProperBritish

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2009, 11:29:21 AM »
the lyrics seem not cryptic enough, they're rather bland imo.

try to say what you want, without saying it.
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Offline DarkShot

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2009, 11:34:30 AM »
Yeah, behind the lyrics are usually a set of totally different ideas from the words actually spoken.

For instance, I'll use Red Flag by Billy Talent:

Quote
Cast off the crutch that kills the pain
The Red Flag waving never meant the same
The kids of tomorrow don't need today
When they live in the sins of yesterday

The idea behind the song isn't about a flag or kids, but rather communism, and overcoming it.
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Offline SN!P3R

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2009, 12:20:34 PM »
you should make it funeral-style song, then going onto screamo.


works every time
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Offline atomicareprise

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2009, 12:24:27 PM »
or you can start a boy band group...lol!!
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Offline ProperBritish

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2009, 03:16:18 PM »
Quote from: SN!P3R on April 08, 2009, 12:20:34 PM
you should make it funeral-style song, then going onto screamo.


works every time

good old critical acclaim
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Offline FreeK

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2009, 04:02:06 PM »
Quote from: ProperBritish on April 08, 2009, 03:16:18 PM
critical acclaim

isnt screamo....

but it also depends on the tone that your trying to put it into.
sad, happy, depressed, angry, etc.
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Offline ra1n

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2009, 04:30:13 PM »
Quote from: ProperBritish on April 08, 2009, 03:16:18 PM
good old critical acclaim
thats hardrock
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Offline ProperBritish

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2009, 05:27:10 PM »
technicalities ra1n technicalities

organ to dist. guitar and screaming, i think i got close. =P
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Offline FreeK

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2009, 05:44:03 PM »
Quote from: ProperBritish on April 08, 2009, 05:27:10 PM
technicalities ra1n technicalities

organ to dist. guitar and screaming, i think i got close. =P

actually matt shadow's yell is not a scream at all....if you want to hear sceamo, listen to older A7x like the sounding the seventh trumpet album
or listen to the band Emarosa, theyre a better deffinition of screamo
technicalities PB technicalities.
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Offline ProperBritish

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2009, 05:10:15 AM »
lol

the difference between a scream and a yell? i did not know there was one. :P
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Offline ~:Dhruv:~

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #12 on: April 09, 2009, 06:36:50 AM »
Hmmmmm i think a scream is more narrower in the spectrum , more shrill ! :D
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Offline Timmy

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Re: is this anygood??
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2009, 01:46:05 AM »
to give it more context for properbritish's taste....

would you honestly say till lindeman's coarse vocal's are within the same category as say avenged sevenfold? and either of them with in flames or opeth?

there's lot's of different words to describe coarse vocals depending on the pitch and coarseness.

screaming
yelling
growling

etc
etc

as for the lyrics, people are going to....wait have...offer opinions based on there own taste in music....me personally i think they are FAN-TASTIC*








*fantastic entailing walking up to her with an acoustic guitar playing two chords over and over singing in a cliche acoustic/singer solo artist voice
« Last Edit: April 13, 2009, 01:50:54 AM by TimmyDX »
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